dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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