i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my poor anus
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
