Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
