Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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