So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
