How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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