so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
