Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
