hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
