last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
