Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
