I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
