dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
