Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
