so explain again why im purple
no
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
