who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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