What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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