Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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