Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
