You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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