Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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