Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
