I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
