your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
how does that bad decision feel?
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