You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
