I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
