Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize