haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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