he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
