Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
