We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
