I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
