Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
