i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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