i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
