Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize