wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
