woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize