we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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