Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
