is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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