Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
