I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
