WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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