Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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