My cat gives me a boner
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
