i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize