I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
