That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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