I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize