so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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