i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
