he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
