you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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