I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
too bad you live with your parents still
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
