considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
