I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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