He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That accounts for only three of the penises
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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