I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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