When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Everyone says I win the strip club
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
