I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
