i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
