i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
MIDGETS
????
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
