umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
