She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
