It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Terrible idea I love it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
