I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
smell my finger.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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