True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
