Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
