i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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