i wish my penis had a tongue
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
