I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
