How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
