I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
