last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
