I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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