dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize