this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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