im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
