Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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