well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
