What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
