I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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