he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Actions speak louder than pants.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
