He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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