Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
