thus making me awesome and them whores
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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