I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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