Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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