I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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