i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
