idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
