I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
