I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
