everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We had to coat check the pizza.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
